Life update

Hi Everyone!

How are you all? Wow, it’s been a long time since I made a post. So much has happened and it’s not all good. I have been through such a tough year.

When I was updating, it was a way to escape my Mum’s treatment. I updated what was happening and how crappy that summer 2016 was. Well She ended up getting the all clear for a bit. She was still in agony when we were told it was damage from the radium. She ended up going into hospital in January 2017 for 5 weeks and they found out she had cancer again or it either spread. I don’t understand and don’t want to ask. It was in her liver but one day they found out she had a brain tumour as well. That was hell going back to college leaving Dad at home and Mum in hospital. I wanted to leave but they wouldn’t let me.

Roll onto March the 8th on International women’s day, I felt something weird was happening. I was getting weird messages and phone calls from people but they hung up straight away and made excuses. It was weird. I rang my Mum and my sister answered. She said something had happened to Dad. My aunty and uncle came up for me. He had a heart attack and didn’t survive. Within 20 minutes it went round the community. A bad thing with being in a small community. Everyone knows everything. Myself and my brother in Australia found out by other people texting saying sorry for your loss and people we wouldn’t really consider close friends either. 20 days later I lost Mum. It’s been a really crappy year!!!!

It’s been difficult but it feels as if I have never met them. That my siblings aren’t my siblings and it comes in waves. I get really upset and then I’ll be fine thinking I must be hormonal or something. My brother stayed home and took over my Dad’s business but sadly he announced he is going back in July. We are renting the house to rent me a place since I can’t afford two places. I’ll have one here and one in College. I know the smart thing is to stay in college but where I am, I must go home for the weekends. I am staying with a lovely woman and her Mum comes to stay at the weekend. I don’t mind as I wouldn’t stay there over the weekend. It’s a dump of a place. Nothing happens, places are closed down and then my friends go home. Next year we are selling the house when I finish college and then with my share buy an apartment for myself and start a brand new life.

My brother has been so stressed with telling people as they have been telling him to stay and last month he had a heart attack. Thankfully he is OK but he has been doing tests to see what is wrong with his heart. I suppose we all should do some. I know I don’t manage stress very well. I comfort eat and did that today. At least I didn’t go for chocolate. I ate healthy but a bit too much carbs. I.E. bread. I’ll go for it when I don’t have chocolate. I have wholemeal in the house at least so not too bad.

I’m meant to be boxing up things to take with me into my new apartment and box things up for the painter next week. Everything is changing and I can’t handle it.Β  I can’t handle it anymore. I wish things could go back to the way they were. I wish I just had a terrible break up. At least with a break up there would be a slight chance of getting back together instead of this heart break.

So many people have told me it takes time. It seems to be getting worse. It seems to be starting to sink in now with us getting ready to rent out the house in July or start of August. I still can’t sleep with my door shut as I am listening out for my Mum’s morphine pump still. The washing machine sounds the exact same as it when it went off. When I hear my brother snore, I think it’s Dad. I can’t take this anymore. I just want them back so much.

The last thing my Dad said to me was “See you Thursday”. He dropped me to the train on the Sunday and now a part of me expects him to be at home every Thursday still.

I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to write this post. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I feel guilty for going back to college that there may have been a slight chance, that I could have taken the stress off Dad. I would be with Mum all of the time and helping her get better and ready for her treatment. Dad would feel OK with Mum being with someone he trusted instead of getting people to stay with her while I was in college and he had to go out.

Right, well I better go. I have an early start tomorrow. I’m currently doing work placement and I got one of them in a special needs school.

Night,
Love Jess xxx

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College

Hi everyone,

How are you all? Well I’m in my third year of college. For our marketing management module we have to set up a blog and two other social media sites. It would mean a lot if you guys went to my other blog and followed it. It’s called WitnessFitnessWithJess.

I hope everyone enjoys it. I am on twitter as well but could only get the user name WitnessWithJess as everything else was taken sadly.

I know I have been very quiet this year on here. A lot has happened and there has been so many times I have come onto here and write a life update but it’s too upsetting when I type it and can’t hit the publish button. This hasn’t been a great year at all and I’m struggling with life but promised whatever would happen I would finish college.

I’ll try and update this with my crafting creations still. I am trying to work on a throw for my sister as a Christmas present. I’m doing it in sections. It’s been taking ages as I haven’t had the concentration to complete it and now when I need more wool, it has been out of stock online. 😦 Hopefully the wool will come back in stock.

I’m going to leave this here and hopefully if you guys follow my fitness blog for college you will enjoy it.

Lots of love,

Jessy

Hello Midterm

Hello Everyone!

How-I-feel-after-a-long-weekHow are you all? I can’t wait to be on the train at 4 going home. I have a week off. So happy. I need to re-energise.

This week has been quite annoying but also great because class has been cancelled but at the last minute. There was a bit of a change around on Monday and a bit of confusion so we ended up having yesterday off and two of the girls in my group and myself went to Kilkenny shopping for a few hours which was lovely. Bought some lovely workout leggings which I’m not sure on as I think they are far too tight with my big thighs. I would love to ask Mum but she is still in hospital. Our morning lecture was cancelled this morning and then I emailed the lecturer we have at 2 to make sure had him because if he doesn’t turn up and Β found out I could have taken an early train I really will be annoyed. Went into TK MAXX and saw lovely workout gear and I am so going into town tomorrow if it’s dry and going to our local one to see if they have the same ones in that shop and getting them. I do love workout clothes but I don’t wear them all the time. Just for when I am workout. I change straight out of them after we finish our practical classes in college but also if I stay in them for a long period of time after sweating I get very cold an can’t warm up so it’s easier to change completely.

Last weekend Mum was allowed out for a few hours which was amazing!! It great having her home for them hours. We then had to bring her in again to get her pump changed with morphine. This weekend I doubt very much she will be allowed out unless she miraculously gets better. She told me she caught an infection and kept avoiding the question on what the infection was and finally got it out of her this morning. She has pneumonia. I hope she will be OK. I have been feeling paranoid all week to find out what is wrong with her as they haven’t told me exactly what is going on which is annoying. I know they don’t want me to worry while I am in college but I will be more worried and paranoid in college wondering what is wrong with her.

OMG!!! I have 7 weeks left when I come back from midterm until Easter break. A week back and then exams. This is crazy. I can’t believe it. I have had so many people tell me I need to give up college and to focus on mum and dad instead of myself and I always felt guilty leaving on a Sunday to and leaving dad on his own while Mum has been in hospital for the last month. But to know I only have that amount of time left, I am glad I stayed in college because I do actually really enjoy the course. I can’t wait for work experience to test out how good I am. I won’t be able to do personal training as I haven’t the cert yet. I think we can do it next year which I might do it or it was this year and next year is the gym instructor one. Can’t remember but it was extra work on the side and I’m glad I didn’t do it as if I did the extra work and the stuff happening with Mum, I would most likely be in hospital for being sick and burning out or would have to give up the extra work. Which is fine. I know my own mind and body. I am thinking about going into schools in my area and doing growth and movement stuff we did in first year and then incorporating my drama experience with it but not do drama but have kids running round acting like dogs and other animals while moving their bodies and stretching will be fun. Mad but fun. I think I am more suited to kids than adults. Must find somewhere that will let me shadow a sports psychologist.

Oh I feel so sleepy. Feel like taking a nap before class. I have another 3 hours left until my 2 class. Hopefully we get to leave early so I can meet m train. If only it was at 4:15 instead of 4:09 and the last two weeks it came early and I barely made it since my taxi driver isn’t the best for time keeping which is annoying so I ask him to collect me 20 minutes earlier than I want him to and he comes at the time I do want to leave at otherwise I would be late for college.

Love Jesse πŸ™‚ xxx

Hey Everyone!

How are you all on this miserable day? Well it is in Ireland. I am currently on m break. I have a three hour break on Thursday and usually stay in college doing work but today I decided to come back to the house and I have gotten in a quick workout so I feel good. I have hit a nerve so while typing this my hand is shaking. It will calm down soon.

We had all such a horrible shock today in our 9 to 11 class. We are learning about anxiety in our sports psychology class. He comes in and tell us we have an exam that is worth 10% that we got an email from our weightlifting lecturer. We all were shocked or at least most of us but then we thought hang on a minute we are doing anxiety. This is a joke. It has to be. Thankfully it was but when he came back into the room, he was still saying we had an exam and he was dead serious and giving out to us for not getting pen and paper but then he started smiling. That felt awful. Tuesday morning we already were told we had an exam in stats. We are now on the computers. It was worth 10%. I hat I won’t get the full 10% knew we were getting one but we didn’t know when. I feel like even though I knew what I was doing because I know how to do excel, it was so easy I will lose marks for not using the same graph. We had our weightlifting practical exam yesterday. We had to teach either the clean or the snatch which are Olympic lifts. I got the clean of course. The one I wasn’t good on. I rushed through it a bit as he was rushing everyone else. I got my questions right at the end so I was happy. Did a little dance. ha! When I get the lifts right I do a little dance every time. Like in the Olympics in Rio I think he was from Japan or Korea. He was doing Olympic lifts and even when he didn’t get the lift he still did a dance. ha!

I was actually meant to be last but as I always like to be early and we came in early to practice and the guy I was paired with wanted to practice as he doesn’t come into college and he wanted me to do things so he could say you did that wrong and get points. So just need to wait until we get the results sometime next week.

My Mum is still in hospital for the third week. We had a huge shock this weekend. She too a huge turn and everyone thought she would die as she got a n allergic reaction to the steroid but we only found out when they took her off it and gave her a scan but it looks like she has cancer again in the liver/kidney area. We are still waiting on her other doctors who did the last treatment on her for the answers but they are being so slow about it. Something serious could happen. I really don’t want to lose her. It has been so difficult being in college and not being home taking care of dad as well. My brother, his wife and baby and my sister and her lot came down Saturday and Sunday. I was cooking all day Sunday, they told me I am doing a great job and then tell Mum things aren’t up to the usual standard. I was very insulted. Older siblings!!

Better go and eat my lunch before I go back to college. I have a lecture at 2 to 4 and then going straight to the train station for the 4:09 train. Hopefully he will finish early and I don’t need to rush. Enjoy the rest of your days. πŸ™‚

Love Jesse. πŸ™‚ xxx

Life update

Hey everyone!

Happy late New Year. Hope everyone will have a wonderful new year full of exciting adventures.

Well I started college a week ago. It has been a very tiring few weeks. I got a chest infection and still have a cold and cough even after antibiotics but I say since I went back to college it will linger for another while. I have been stressing over Mum and Dad. The Friday last week we spent 12 hours in A&E with her. She has a urine infection and was getting sick. They told us at half 11 at night to go home as she would catch something worse in here. Ten I went back to college the Sunday to have dad ring me Monday evening that she is back in hospital. She has been there all week and will be in here this week coming. It’s so hard to see her like that and go to college. I am even tearing up typing this. I better not as my Dad will wake up asking me am I alright which then I will cry. ha!

So they have been doing loads of tests on her and trying to sort out her morphine and sickness tablets. They know what is wrong but as it’s our local hospital they can’t tell us and must send everything to the hospital she had the cancer treatment to. He is reviewing it on Monday and fingers crossed we should know. But then she might be kept in longer for them to do what they have to do.

I am off Fridays for the next couple of weeks. I hope they change our Friday class so I can go home Thursday. It makes a difference to when I am cleaning the house and doing washing. I have more time but then I am going up on Sunday exhausted for the week ahead. A few people have told me to tell my lecturers what is going on but what can they do? I will have to be doing the work, the exams. I have a presentation exam Monday morning on this paper. I think it’s worth 15%. It is a group presentation but mostly on the fact we show up and understand the paper as they keep telling us we must research papers and understand them as we will need to write one in fourth year and in third year we use them more. We got a hard one but thankfully I am doing the introduction which was difficult enough to understand. I had to read a few times to put it into my language. I am just writing out what I am going to say tomorrow and then learn it since I can’t look at the computer screen or projector screen as I can’t see it properly so I learn everything. It’s a lot of work but I get more points for engaging at the audience. Our paper is “Physiological Determinants of Endurance Exercise and Performance.”

I wish I could just stay at home and keep Dad company and help more around the house but they keep telling me to not put my life on hold for them. I do go to college everyday but I’m there in body, not there in mind. I say the lecturer’s know something is up. I have either a lot on my mind or that I have poor concentration or they think I don’t like the course anymore maybe.

I have a weightlifting practical on the 1st of February. I am so nervous. I asked the lecturer for advise and he is such an ass. Since he can’t exactly say I am screwed he said I need to work harder or something like that but really he is saying I am screwed for this exam as I can’t see the body a whole. I am going to ask this lecturer who said to me in first year if I wanted extra help before practicals he would help me, I think I might ask for just a 20 minute help for wording it right and even though he doesn’t know what it’s like to be me he may be able to give me pointers. Whoever is my partner I will ask them what are their faults.

I better go and start dinner. I am slow roasting a stew. At least my Dad will have it for a couple of days.

Love Jesse πŸ™‚ xxx

Happy New Year!!!!

Haphappy-new-year-cards-2016py new year everyone!!!!!! Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that you all have a wonderful, happy, healthy new year with lots of exciting adventures.

 

I felt so emotional when the clock stroke 12. I didn’t cry but I did feel very emotional. Another year has ended and another has started. I had such a lovely Christmas. Spent it with my sister and her family. It was so much fun but I got really sad the last few days as it’s over. Taking the decorations down on Friday. 😦 I hate that part. I always try to persuade Mum to leave them up even for another couple of days. Nope once the 6th comes, they must come down which is annoying and horrible. Then I always decorate my room to be all Christmasy so I can enjoy it a bit longer until my nephews come to visit, I must take them down as they will come and destroy them like little rogue boys that they are. ha!

Did anyone make any resolutions? I didn’t make any this year. I couldn’t really be bothered. I will find out through the year things I want to do and complete. I have two weeks left until I go back to college. I don’t want to but I do at the same time. I’m sure once I get there I will settle back in. I only have like 12 weeks in this semester and then into my third year which will most likely be my last. I don’t really want to stay where the college is situated anymore. I might take a break from college and then do my fourth year somewhere else. I might even get a job and not even bother. Who knows!!! I did think of going to a fortune teller but only find out a couple of things.

It is such an amazing day today. No cloud in the sky. I am so going for a walk. Decided to take part in the 5km a day. Yesterday I did 5km on the stationary bike and I might go for a walk. I will have to use some tracker app as I have no idea what 5km is.

Enjoy your day everyone.

Love Jesse πŸ™‚ xxx

 

Long time no blog

Hello everyone!!!

How are you all? it has been AGEEEEEEEES!!!!

The last month of college has been so hectic. I have had loads of assignments but due the same time. Th last assignment I had to hand in was 40 pages. I do not kid. We all were made into four groups and got given a different team that we had to design a four week programme for. I got basketball and I know nothing about it which is annoying because our lecturer plays it and she keeps referring to it in her examples. There was a rumour which I am hoping it was just a stupid rumour that no one is going to get over 70% in this assignment and especially the people who got basketball. I am hoping that was a lie because I stayed up to midnight most nights doing this assignment and then I handed it in early as I wasn’t going to travel 6 hours up and down to college just to hand it in on the 12 of December when we had to so we were allowed to go home Thursday as our afternoon classes we cancelled and same with Friday. Well my group could, the other two groups in the year had to stay as they had presentations left to do and practical exams. The joys of doing things first. πŸ™‚ Even though at the time you would be wishing you weren’t going first and wish that you had more time.

So I went to Dublin the today last week and got loads of presents. I was so happy. I have never shopped so fast and made a decision so quickly than when I was in Dublin. I had an idea of what I wanted to get people. I went practical this year. On the Sunday, my Mum felt up to going to Town and getting some food and she needed to get somethings so we woke up Dad nice and early and he drove us into town. OMG!!! I have spent so much on presents this year. I do not want to look at my bank account. I just can’t. ha! Hopefully everyone will like their presents. Oooooo! It’s nearly here. I love Christmas so much.

Yesterday I had a baking day. I must take pictures and show. I made butterscotch pudding and this amazing fudge. OMG!!! It’s Scottish Tablet or something. I think I might just give that away as presents as well, along with the sauce otherwise, I am just going to eat it. ha! I had a headache and also have become quite bunged up from eating loads of dairy yesterday. It was all licking the spoons and pans after I made them. Licking the the utensils clean are sometimes better than eating the finished product. I must make the sauce all festive. I also made some whiskey truffles. I licked the spoon there and YUCK!!! Whiskey tastes horrible, such a burning sensation and it was only a little bit. Yeah I think all sugar treats should have whiskey in them since then I won’t eat them. haha!

I am nearly finished the jumper I have been knitting. I am onto the sleeves and by god they are taking forever. I have started just one sleeve. I even had to order more wool so hopefully it comes this week what with Christmas, I don’t want it to get lost in the post. I sound very sad there but oh well.ha!

We got some good news on my Mum. The cancer has gone. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ We are so happy. It came the week of my Birthday so it was the best birthday present. She is still in huge pain and stocked up on morphine as she is getting violently sick with the pain. They still don’t know why. She had some tests done and she texted her nurse that she had during her treatment to see if she could find out the test results she had last week and the week before. She replied with they are all clear and they will call her either this week or after Β Christmas with yet another appointment for yet another test.

That is all that has been happening. Mostly college work. I spent my birthday doing that stupid assignment. In the end before I printed it, I didn’t count the contact times for the plyometric session and I just felt so tired, I had said the amount in the assignment and I did think when I heard the rumour, “What’s the point, I’m not getting a good grade anyway and for 10% I am putting too much effort into it.” I know it wasn’t good to think like that but I was so tired when I was doing the finishing touches and finishing the referencing. So fingers crossed I get a lovely Christmas present with getting a great result. I am still waiting on my tutors in college but there is no tutors for my subjects which I am struggling bad but oh well. Maybe now that we got the good news about my Mum, I can concentrate until her next PET scan which is in February I think. She must have one every 3 months for the next year or two so they can make sure it’s fully gone.

I have just seen the time. No wonder I am getting hungry. It’s lunchtime. I am thinking of my lovely fish finger sandwich but then Mum made soup. Oh the decisions. ha!

Love Jessy πŸ™‚ xxx

No time anymore

Hey everyone!!!

I’m finally on midterm. WOHOO!!!

My gosh!! I knew 2nd year would be hard and I would be a bit busier but I really have no time for anything. I have a presentation and essay due next week and the week after. I haven’t started the essay yet but I am hoping later today or tomorrow since that is due next Thursday. Typical! You get all assignments at once. The essay I am researching about performance video analysis software. This is the module I can’t do because zoomtext isn’t compatible with it so I won’t be able to see. Apparently! But I’m OK with that. I still get an assignment each semester to do with the module, at least I don’t have an exam.

I am currently doing a presentation on “The notion that performance enhancing supplements should be considered in sport based on the concept that they are widely available to purchase.” I am finding this quite difficult. Last night I found I was going by it the wrong way and had to change things today. I think I am finished with it. I can’t exactly put a lot of slides in the presentation as we only have ten minutes and I talk quite a lot when I am nervous. I think of things I would like to say or I get tongue tied all the time. I have 14 pages altogether including two reference slides and the title page. We had to have 50% of the presentation with pictures only. I don’t know if that involves a heading as well. I am not on until the 15th of November so I can see what everyone else has done and change mine but we all have different titles. We had to pick them out of a hat. This other girl in the group got the same one as myself so she is on next week, I can see listen to the feedback for her and decide if I need to change mine. hehe.

So much has happened. I have just been doing college work. I miss crafting so much. I thought I would have time to do some crafting this week but I have just been ding college work. I might see if I can do something Saturday. Try and get my essay done or the majority of it done this weekend so I can do some crafting but then the trouble is I don’t know what to craft. 😦 I want to customise a pair of jeans I have. How would I do that if anyone knows? I want to put fabric on the jeans but do I need special fabric for the jeans? I might stitch some patches on them but I must find some nice patches first. Anyone know a good cheap craft shop online, let me know!

Liking my new house. The woman and her son are just so nice. I was going to move after Christmas when I know people have dropped out or have gone for their work placement but the house is so cosey, warm, very cheap rent, in great condition and lovely company too. I think I might just stay put and then for my third year next year I might ask can she keep the room for me as I am only in college for three months and then I am on work placement so Bob’s your uncle!!

I have a child protection course on the 30th of November in college. We must do the course or else we won’t pass the module. I am terrified for doing it. I hope it won’t be too graphic or go into too much detail or else I will be crying in the course. It’s a three hour course. 6-9 so that Wednesday I will be in college 12 hours straight what with me having a tutor after I finish class. Oi!!!!

We got some of our money back from the landlord that ripped us off. YAY!!! We had a conference call which I thought it was all of us talking on the phone with the landlord and the mediator. The guy rang me only and I was representing all of us which was fine. He would then call the landlord and then call me back. The poor man who was doing this. It was very piggy in the middle, school girl fight kind of thing like you tell her I’m not talking to her.. You know? But the man was so nice, he explained everything to me, he didn’t shout when I didn’t understand, he was calming and he said he would help me out. I then texted the others to tell them they rang me and what the first offer was. The two I texted were very insulted they rang me to represent them. I know I’m sensitive and not cut throat but myself and the man were doing just fine. Then the girl who thinks she knows everything who I am starting to detach from takes over and says she will let me know when it’s sorted. Nope!! She didn’t. The guy did who I was going to live with. I am quite insulted that they were insulted I was chosen to represent us but oh well. Nothing I can do. The moral of the story is to not live with friends you just met unless you properly know them and properly look into property since I don’t know if they properly looked into it when they viewed it.

My Dad is in a fashion show tomorrow so I think we will all go see him. My sister and brother in law and two nephews are down. My nephew in London was meant to be here this weekend as well but he has been having tests. They found out he is lactose intolerant. I am really disappointed as it was the first time we would be meeting him but it almost feels like he isn’t real. Even though we get pictures and videos of him. Oh he looks like a happy little boy. Well a happy chubby boy. ha! We don’t do small in my family. haha!

I think that may be all of my news. I think I have about 5/6 weeks left until Christmas holidays so I definitely will be able to do some crafting then and I can show you. I better go and start my essay.

Love Jesse πŸ™‚ xxx

Another week down

Hi everyone!

How are you? Well I positively feel sick!!! It was my nephew’s 2nd birthday today and we went up to Clare to celebrate it. The amount of goodies that were there as a couple of their cousins came. The cake was delicious. I didn’t eat as much as everyone else. I still ate loads but after dinner the others had ice-cream and jelly and I just14624840_1026922854079907_7558824080804151296_nΒ passed on that. I do like ice-cream and jelly but just wasn’t feeling it today. Wish I did have some now as it might have made me not eat as much chocolate. ha! Β Here is the cake my sister made. It was a chocolate biscuit cake and my nephew loves paw patrol. I took some on the train with me and I had made soup and took left overs from the stew we had on Saturday up with me to have in college and couldn’t eat them so they will be eaten tomorrow. We went up Saturday afternoon and trying to get washing dry to bring up to college was a struggle. I know I can wash them up here as the woman said I can treat this as my home but you feel like you should bring them home. I will for awhile maybe. I am a bit scared that if I buy loads of food and washing powder she will ask me to leave like the other lady did and then I won’t be able to carry them home with me.

I had to try and do some revision today before the party started. I sadly had no internet until I came up to college. My sister’s wifi is like ours at home. Not very good. Typical countryside.

Have been feeling still rather down. I have been crying for no reason now, not paying attention and just wanting to be alone all the time. I went to the B&B on Thursday after college for some desert and ended up staying there for a couple of hours having fun with the staff. It was lovely. The chef usually stays the night if he has a lot to prepare for the morning or he must get up early to do breakfasts I think but he didn’t this time. In a way I am glad I’m in the house now even though it’s quite far out and I know it’s been a week but I am sick of being drenched in sweat when I get to college. I heat up so quickly even if I’m dawdling. If anyone has any tips to try and not sweat so much please help. It’s my head that sweats the most. My back does but fair enough I have a big heavy bag on it so of course that will but it looks like I have gone for a shower. I know you can get Botox for under the arms to stop sweating but I don’t sweat huge amounts under there. It’s my head, neck chest and back. I am so embarrassed by it and the girls in the class have commented about it a few times which is annoying. Yes I sweat a lot, stop reminding me! I have gone to the doctor about it and then ended up finding out I need B12 injections and yet nothing on the sweating.

It’s taken me two days to write this. I started last night and then my friend rang and stopped writing. It has been such a long day. I am falling asleep while typing and it’s not even half 8. I went swimming after college and that always makes me so tired. I think I’m coming down with a cold as I stopped after awhile as I getting water up my nose and in my mouth and coughing. But I say I might go back again tomorrow. It was a lot of fun being back in the water. This time I must give myself a certain amount of lengths I must swim and then keep increasing it. Think I might swim 20 lengths the next time I go to the pool and only €4 for a student. Bargain!!!!

Got another assignment today that is due the week I come back from midterm. It’s worth 50%!!!! 2000 words. Oi!! That’s a lot. I am getting rather stressed already. I have an assignment and exam the week before we start midterm, then an assignment when we get back and a presentation and then at some stage since I have change my group on Friday to be home early for Mum, it’s not a practical exam. It’s just a chance to coach the group but I must pick a sport so that will be difficult. I do a warm up for the sport and a drill. I am getting a date for that as well. So it’s all go. I think before Christmas we are getting our statistics exam. I do hope so since then we will have one less exam in the summer. We would only have 4. Compared to 6 last year.

We were told a bit more about our exam today two weeks and my god it’s going to be difficult. 25 multiple choice which will cover our practical and lectures. Then 5 short questions that will be based on the papers she gave us to read. 😦 At least it’s not negative marking but we need calculators so that’s that questions gone for me. Maybe it I dread it so much it won’t be so bad and I will get a really great mark. Can’t remember how much she said it’s worth but since it’s 2nd year and the marking has gone up, then I am guessing more than last year. So no pressure!!

I better get back to doing some research before I watch Cold Feet. My Mum watched it all the time when I was younger and now I have gotten really into it.

Love Jesse πŸ™‚ xxx

Head wrecked

Hi everyone!

Well this has been one heck of a long week. It felt like a month long but then September is usually really long and dragged out. Like January and February as well. For whatever reason it is.

So I finally found a house but it’s quite far out and with a family. I met her during Zumba. She took me back to the B&B I was staying in. She seems lovely and the owners of the B&B say she is lovely that will make me feel at home. So fingers crossed.

The start of the week was very rocky. I didn’t sleep a wink Sunday night and the minute I was left alone in the place I balled my eyes out until 2 am when I tired myself out from crying and then saw every hour on the clock. Monday and Tuesday were terrible. I went to see the counsellor and she advised me to go home. I was so taken back at this that it made me cry even more. She said I should go home since that’s what I want and take time out to find myself. Have some me time and then start another course, volunteering and find a job. I do want to go home all of the time. I love home. It’s my comfort zone but I know in my heart if I went home I would mope around the place feeling sorry for myself that I quit college so early. Feel annoyed with myself that I did. Then my anxiety would get even worse like it was and I would refuse to go out anywhere. She told me if I stayed it would be bad for my mental health. That with the two houses not working out and then staying in a B&B, that I should take it as a sign. I was even more upset. I started wondering am I up to the course when I went in telling her I felt really down that I have no energy or interest for anything really but not sure is it because of what happened during the summer and now with the houses or full stop I have lost interest. Nothing about I couldn’t do the course. That will come later when it’s exams and assessments and I will be so anxious saying I can’t do it like everyone else.

I had a house viewing Tuesday and I texted them asking had they decided on who got the room and nothing. I did find a house close to college but for some reason I felt like I had seen it last year and was creeped out by the owners so I just went with the room in this woman’s house that I met in Zumba. It’s quite far out but oh well. I guess I could stay there until Christmas and people start dropping out. I might find somewhere closer. I feel like I might have made the wrong choice as I didn’t want to live with a family and owner occupied. So maybe it might work out.

We got two assignments this week. One we are put into pairs to do a warm up and a drill each of the sport of our choice. I’m not on until the 2nd of December so since I have never been on a team sport I need to figure out what I could do. I could do some kind of dance moves that aren’t dance if that makes sense. I’m not good at sport. Then the other assignment is a presentation. I’m on the 14th of November. The lecturer said he could decide to change it up a bit. To see how well we work under pressure. It could either be in front of loads of people, a presentation with just pictures, just five words on each page, it could mean we can’t use a computer to present it. Anything and it’s worth 25%. I am terrified. Maybe I should take the counsellor’s advise and leave.

Thursday ended up being amazing!! I got really friendly with the chef and he stays in the B&B when he must stay late to prepare for the next day. So I went down at 6 and we spent talking until 11. The night went so fast. It was brilliant!

So that is my week. A whole lot of feeling lonely and over thinking.

Love Jesse πŸ™‚ xxx